Brookwrite

The long and sport of it

Later this year will mark the twentieth anniversary of this column. Leading up to that momentous moment, a short series of columns are revisiting tidbits from over the years.

This month's column, with apologies to Airplane!, provides more about Jewish sports than a leaflet on famous Jewish sports legends, with a timely focus on baseball and the Olympics.

(2013, "Parched pigskin")

It seemed like a logical first step to explain Torah reading in the context of college football. After all, college football and the reading of the Torah combine to be central to most people's Saturday prayers. (2012, "The Penance Race")

The Oakland Athletics hosted the Jews and the Los Angeles Dodgers on June 19th. What's more Jewish than a group that left Brooklyn for Hollywood, and whose starting pitcher was named Harang?

Madison Bumgarner, taking Rabbi Tarfon one further, decided to not stray from his task but to also complete it, throwing all nine innings for the Giants' 6-1 win.

However, the next morning turned the Giants' race for a pennant to penance, as Melky Cabrera was suspended for using performance-enhancing drugs -- the worst instance in baseball history of mixing Melkhik and Fleishik.

(2011, "Turning a Kippah Trick")

The Golden State Warriors hosted their night along with the Sacramento Kings in Oakland. Omri Casspi, (the first Israeli player in the NBA), who sports number 18, of course, did not play in the game, and neither did the Warriors who failed to score until nine minutes remained in the first quarter.

At the first ever Jewish Heritage Night by the Oakland Athletics, Jewish left-handed reliever Craig Breslow, who in the footsteps of Moe Berg has been called "the smartest man in baseball," pitched a perfect eighth inning. Breslow, a 2005 Southern League All-Star with the Mobile BayBears, was part of the half-minyan who played for the 2006 Red Sox (including Youkilis, Kapler, and Stern).

Paul Goldschmidt, the D-backs' Jewish-sounding first baseman, the day after his Major League debut, hit his first Major League home run in the fifth inning. Also-Jewish-sounding leadoff hitter Willie Bloomquist went hitless, and also-also-Jewish-sounding reliever Brad Ziegler warmed up but did not play. (The one Jewish D-back, who also did not play, is pitcher Jason Marquis. Funny, he doesn't sound Arizonian.)

(2010, "The Chosen Game")

The Bible starts out with not merely a big bang, but with a grand slam. "In the big inning, the Big G created heaven and earth."

Through September 5th, the overall Jewish batting average in 2010 is .288, compared to a Major League average of .262. The pitchers have a combined ERA equally higher than the Major League average, so it's better left unsaid.

As of this writing, fourteen active players are listed, all of whom have the good sense to not be Y*nkees.

(2010, "Jewish Hoopla")

In an alternate reality, where both teams are not perennial bottom-feeders, this game could have been dubbed a David (Kings) and Goliath (Warriors) matchup.

(Israeli player Omri) Casspi was the first player introduced, to good applause from this Casspian Sea of fans.

(2009, "A league of our own")

(About the short-lived Israel Baseball League:) It's Israel, we're Jewish, we needed sparkling new baseball fields. Who else would we call but Chasidic diamond merchants?

(2009, "Abs of Shul")

The patent-proof Abs of Shul system simply combines physical activities that are already part of the service with a collection of clever contractions, some stretching, and avoidable alliteration. While designed for Saturdays, you can maximize your results by using most of Abs of Shul at minyan three times a day, seven days a week.

(2008, "Jewish Heritage Night and Day")

Erev Jewish Heritage Day, the night before, was the 18th in the countdown of games remaining before Shea Stadium closes.

(2008, "Olympic predictions")

(Sports Illustrated) calls Ariel Ze-evi "maybe Israel's greatest athlete ever." Ze-evi competes in Judo, which at first could sound odd until you consider it's the most logical sport for Israel to win. After all, what sport is more appropriate for Israel than one with "Jew" right in the name?

(2008, "The Chosen Game")

Israel Baseball League rules include:

Stealing bases is not allowed. After all, "thou shalt not steal."

In the stands you'll hear stories about the greatest game ever played, where the relief pitcher who was only supposed to be good for one inning lasted for eight innings.

(2006, "The dog vays of summer")

After a klezmer rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame," the seventh inning stretch got new meaning with the matzah eating contest. Three guys behind home plate. Forty-five seconds, a plate of matzah, and a water bottle. It wasn't pretty.

(2006, "Rebbe at the Bat")

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mudville nine that day,
The minyan score was nine, they needed one man more to pray.
And then when Cooney died at first, and Burrows did the same,
A sickly silence fell upon the minyan, who could blame?

The straggling few remained behind, alone in deep despair.
Clung to hope from that light eternal hanging in the air;
They thought if only Rebbe could but get a whack at that,
They'd put up even money now, with Rebbe at the bat.

(2004, "The Sporting Jews")

Think that's all the Olympic hardware Israel can hope for? Gotcha! Gotcha Tsitsiashvilly, that is. He's predicted to win the gold medal in the 84 kilogram category for greco-roman wrestling. According to Sports Illustrated, Tsitsiashvilly is from Georgia (no, the other one), and is the fourth Israeli men's world champion in any sport.

A leading Israeli Orthodox leader ruled in early August that bullfighting is cruel to the bulls, says Jews in Spain should avoid the sport. He later ruled that Mets games since the All-Star Break have been cruel to fans, and says to avoid them for now, too.

Doug Brook is a writer in Silicon Valley who, as a freshman, scored the first touchdown for Mesch AZA in recent memory. To read these or any other past columns, visit http://brookwrite.com/. For exclusive online content, like facebook.com/the.beholders.eye.