Brookwrite

Rabbinic revelations

Later this year will mark the twentieth anniversary of this column. Leading up to that momentous event, a short series of columns are revisiting tidbits from over the years.

This month's column provides snippets of Jewish teachings from various lesser-known rabbinic sources.

Tall mood

The order Nezikin was split in three: Bava Kama, Bava Metzia, and Bava Batra. These translate as "The First Gate," "The Middle Gate," and "The Last Gate."

The Chief Rabbi didn't notice a fourth set of volumes, being read by the delivery guy. Later realizing the omission, the delivery guy left them at his usual dropoff: Bava Gump, "The Service Gate."

(1998, "Carving a Passover niche")
In the renowned Mishnah tractate Bava Gump, different maxims are explored and a simple solution is finally presented. In verses known by their Latin title, the Nissan Maxima, the rabbis wrote: "We think it best to celebrate the new year in Tishrei. After all, that's when Rosh Hashanah appears on next year's calendar."

(2005, "Bava Who?")
For years, this column scoured the earth, wind, and fire for any artifacts from the legendary "Other Bavas," including Bava Sutra (uniquely linked to Bava Kama), Bava Ria (laws regarding life in middle Europe), Bava Ganoush (laws regarding foreign cuisine), Bava Rino (laws regarding early sitcom characters), and others.

Stalag might

Judaism is believed to have started with Abraham, but Bava Gump recounts a rabbinic Stone Age...

(2004, "Gurb the Caveman Rabbi")

Rabbi, we seek enlightenment about the recent discovery of fire.

That's easy. If you stand near enough to the fire, it will enlighten you until it burns out.

But we're prohibited from doing work on the Sabbath. Does that mean starting a fire is prohibited?

Of course it does. Have you ever tried to light a fire? It's a lot of work!

(2005, "No stone unturned")

Middle Eastern caveman Jews actually received the sacred scroll generations before it was given at Sinai?

Of course we received it. And it was a lot harder for us to receive. By the time the Torah was regifted at Sinai, you had parchment. All we had was stone tablets. Boy, did that take a long time to bring down the hill. You think Moses made a mess smashing his two tablets? If he'd gotten what we were given, there'd have been an avalanche.

Were any kinds of dinosaur considered kosher?

We never considered that.

Why not?

Let's see you try to ritually slaughter one of those things.

Giving one paws

Due to a typo in a contract, our featured rabbinic guest was a bit more rabbitic. Lettuce begin...

(2004, "Ask the Rabbit")
Is it possible to eat a bacon cheeseburger pizza on Passover, without violating the dietary laws regarding Passover?

By the year-round standards of keeping kosher, having meat toppings on a cheese pizza is not kosher, not to mention having bacon at all. However, while eating that combination is a violation of the general rules of kosher, it does not violate any rules of keeping kosher specific to Passover itself.

(2005, "Splitting hares")
What's it like growing up as a Jewish rabbit?

Since I've never grown up as anything besides a Jewish rabbit, I have no real basis for comparison.

Is there a Jewish belief about whether someone gets good luck from carrying a rabbit's foot?

I always have two with me, and I still have trouble getting a good parking spot. But if I had my way, the only people going around with a rabbit's foot would be those who are walking on them.

(2006, "Reb Wallenstein's Day")
Was there a Reb Wallenstein's Day Massacre?

Definitely. On a single day, three different brides fled the chupah. Today, that's a sitcom pilot. Back then, it was unheard of.

(2011, "The Year of the Rabbi")
Why should we believe the Year of the Rabbit was really first the Year of the Rabbi?

In the Chinese Zodiac, the Rabbit symbolizes creativity, compassion, sensitivity, friendliness, outgoingness, belief in community and family, and conflict avoidance. Rabbits approach confrontation calmly and with consideration. If that doesn't sound like your rabbi, form a search committee.

Doug Brook is a writer in Silicon Valley who is a rabbid reader of the obscure, especially that which doesn't exist. To read these or any other past columns, visit http://brookwrite.com/. For exclusive online content, like facebook.com/the.beholders.eye.