Brookwrite

Purover

by Doug Brook
Southern Jewish Life columnist

In some years, Jews get messed up by the addition of a leap month to the Hebrew calendar. (If they realized that the additional month is actually Adar, not Adar II, they'd be even more messed up.)

But, as Cubs fans are already saying, just wait until next year. This year had the opposite effect, with Adar coming so early that Purim was a week before February ended. So, because Passover will arrive in Purim's usual month, this year's March column covers both Passover and Purim by uncovering new truths about them both.

If the early arrival of Passover this year makes it seem like your Seder is out of order, know that you had fair warning. It was predicted by Punxsutawney Phil, who, on February 2nd, did not see his shadow because the passing Streit's truck -- itself well ahead of schedule -- was blocking the sunlight.

(It's six weeks if you don't count each Shabbat, as the Talmud instructs. Hush up and read.)

With the adventure of an early Passover comes the equally off-season advent of our neighbors' spring holidays, starting with a Mardi Gras so early that you didn't need ice in your drinks. This gave Jews barely enough time to give up keeping kosher for Lent. Of course, Jews each year are supposed to give up fasting for Lent, but the Fast of Esther always gets in the way.

At a minimum, though, Ashkenazi Jews offer a neighborly homage by giving up lentils for Passover. Mention that to your Catholic friends, as they prepare for their atypically timely reading of Megillat Easter.

At any rate, this column's faithful readers can rest assured. There are numerous Purim observances that both of you can easily adapt to the Passover Seder.

On Purim, we're commanded to drink until we can't tell the good guy from the bad guy. (Of course, some single women simply call that "Saturday night.") The holiday's name actually comes from its most commonly uttered phrase, "pour 'im another one!" With four glasses of wine, this fits the Seder just as well as a ham and cheese on rye doesn't.

In ancient times, people often drank grog. After several rounds, they'd become particularly loud and unruly, thus noisemakers on Purim were called groggers. On all other Passovers, you don't bring groggers to the table -- they give Mother a headache. On this Passover, you might have many of these more traditional groggers.

(If you do bring Purim groggers to this year's Passover Seder, and use them each time the bad guy's name is mentioned, two things: a) don't mention this column, and 2) the Seder leader can't complain because, unlike the Megillah reader, at least he has the vowels and such in front of him.)

Of course, being Judaism, the good must come with the bad. Namely, with Purim and Passover so early this year, it's a month longer until the holidays of theologically-mandated drinking arrive again. This coming year, Jews are stuck with a Lent-like fast after all.

Not all of the crossover observances involve alcohol -- just the ones that make you forget the other ones. (Whatever happens in Shushan, stays in Shushan.) And what do people drink to forget more often (that can be mentioned here) than costumes they wear in public?

If you were going to dress up for Purim as the king, and the February deadline got the best of you, you can use the costume for Pharaoh instead. Just know that this time your character won't get the girl in the end. Neither will you, unless you help with the dishes.

Unfortunately, if you have leftover hamentaschen, you can't serve it at the Seder. No matter how much better month-old pastry tastes (and sits) than matzah.

However, Beholder's Eye scientists are hard at work on a new Purover confection: matzah-based marrortaschen. For progress updates, please subscribe to the emergency health alerts issued by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Doug Brook is a writer in Silicon Valley who attacks the Esther reading so fast, he could be called the Megillah Guerilla. For past columns, other writings, and more, visit http://brookwrite.com/. For exclusive online content, like facebook.com/the.beholders.eye.