Brookwrite

Decision: 5773

by Doug Brook
Southern Jewish Life columnist

Near the beginning, Adam was created with the freedom to choose. He chose to take a nap, lost a rib, lost his solitude, lost his freedom to choose, and found the unavoidable freedom to experience the consequences of choosing.

The history of humanity is that people are instilled with the inherent potential to have the freedom to choose. Of course, this has depended widely on factors such as whether one person chooses that another does not get to choose, and so on.

Since the creation of the election process, the majority of people have cared about the freedom to choose just about as much as their potential choices have cared about them.

So, what does Judaism say about this election season? Go ask a rabbi. But do it offsite since the synagogue needs to maintain its tax-exemption. Buy him a nice salad, but hold the anchovies from the Caesars.

While waiting for a table, consider some Jewish ramifications of various aspects of the voting process. Starting with the group descriptor that has eluded the Jewish people, both internally and in the greater global community, for millennia: The majority. There are many kinds:

Simple majority -- The only thing more simple about a half-plus-one majority is the people in it.

Two-thirds majority -- A majority that leaves everyone no more than two-thirds happy with the results.

Three-fifths majority -- A majority whose decisions drive the voters to each consume three fifths of whiskey per legislative session.

Super majority -- Any majority greater than half-plus-one, though the voters seldom observe what makes them so super.

Absolute majority -- A majority of all eligible voters, rather than the few hopeful idealists and fanatics who do.

Absolut majority -- A majority whose decisions inspire the voters to make a majority of what they consume be produced by Absolut.

Double majority -- Technically, the only way that the electorate can actually be required to give 110%.

Relative majority -- A majority whose decisions would not be trusted by voters any more than if it were their own relatives. Also known as a plurality.

Plurality -- The largest group when there is no majority; a mandate so weak that it's the closest to consensus typically reached in an Israeli Parliament election.

Singularity -- A central object within a black hole, toward which most people watch political campaigns spiral in the final weeks before the election.

Silent majority -- A myth never observed in the history of Judaism. No Jewish majority -- or minority, for that matter -- has ever been able to stay silent long enough to be counted.

But putting the majority aside, as those elected often do, what does rabbinic Judaism have to say about electoral math?

For this, turn to the long-lost, recently discovered Mishnah tractate, Bava Gump -- the only Talmudic tome bold enough to suggest that shrimp can be kosher.

Bava Gump relates a conversation between rabbinic heavyweights: Rabbi Telfon, the great communicator, and Rav Rob, the inevitably named.

Rav Rob approached Rabbi Telfon, after having their wires crossed for several days, and asked, "Is it true that for every two rabbis there are three opinions? I have never believed it."

Rabbi Telfon answered, "It is most definitely true." He then added, "but, then again, I would have to say maybe."

Rav Rob continued, "Assuming, then, that for every two rabbis there are three opinions, does that mean a rabbi's vote counts for one and a half?"

Rabbi Telfon was shocked at the question, but then lined up his thoughts and replied in a dialed-down tone, "A rabbi's vote should count no more than that of any other soul, no matter how much it should. Further, a rabbi's vote should count no less than that of any other, no matter how much his wife says it should."

Rav Rob continued, "Assuming, then, that a rabbi's vote counts for more anyway -- because this is the Talmud and we ask such questions anyway -- do we need to better define who is actually a rabbi?"

Rabbi Telfon considered the many facets and details of this question, and coalesced them into his answer, "No. Nobody is ever going to ask that question, any more than they will ever question 'who is a Jew?'."

Doug Brook is a writer in Silicon Valley who isn't concerned about discouraging people from voting, because the candidates beat him to it. For more information, past columns, other writings, and more, visit http://brookwrite.com/. For exclusive online content, like facebook.com/the.beholders.eye.