Brookwrite

Canaan Able

by Doug Brook
Deep South Jewish Voice columnist

Red Sea Travel has announced a special getaway offer for this season. An unlimited number of travelers can sign up for this special package taking you to The Promised Land.

This is a refreshing alternative to sticking around in Egypt all year, watching repeats of Egyptian Idol, or joining the throngs who flock each year to see the King in Memphis.

Contrary to rumors circulated by their competitors, Red Sea Travel insists that this is a genuine travel package and not a pyramid scheme.

After a brief crossing of the Red Sea at an unusually shallow point, enjoy a journey of just a few weeks by foot through the Sinai desert until you reach the destination.

As you pass Mount Sinai and Masada, the clear desert wilds will prepare you for your arrival in a land filled with young kingdoms... A peaceful land that is a clean slate, free of landmarks, historical sites, religious shrines, or any internal conflict due to theological or political differences.

See the marvelous walled city of Jericho. Marvel at the amazing feat of nature that is the deeply submerged salted sea, a dead sea that contains no life but has uncommon healing powers.

For those of you who enjoy getting their sun by the water, after you complete your weeks of getting sun in the desert you can enjoy this land uniquely surrounded by every kind of body of water. Whether it be the sea to the west, river to the east, or inland seas, there's many places to enjoy the beach in a land that's certain to be filled with more and more popular vacation resorts any year now.

Visit the seven farflung kingdoms spread throughout the land. Enjoy the hospitality and unusual customs and gods of the Amorites, Perizzites, Canaanites, Hittites, Girgashites, Jebusites, and Hivites. See the formative early ages of these nations, many of which are sure to be growing and long-lasting kingdoms for centuries to come.

Near the sea to the west, far to the north you can visit the Phoenicians. Be among the first to get their new and popular invention, Phoenecian Blinds. Farther south along the coast you can learn firsthand whether the Philistine people are known by that name for a reason.

The trip to Canaan will include a special expedition to try and find actual sources of the flowing milk and honey that is rumored to exist throughout the land.

Provisions for this trip will include light fare, prepared in the heat of the moment with little time compared to the same food you're used to every day in Egypt.

Single people on the trip, as well as any polygamists, can indulge in several special mixers catered with native foods: Dates with Dates.

There is no sphinx guarding your destination, and like the Egyptian Sphinx there is no troublesome riddle as to why this travel package is worth your while.

This land is a central hub for the region, a shoreline location between the continents through which many nations conduct trade. Its presence between so many peoples who exchange agricultural needs is a geographical gift from whichever gods you worship. This land is destined for peace and multi-nationalism for as long as the land and waters exist.

There is no cap on the number of people who can take advantage of this getaway. But take advantage soon or you'll miss out on this exodus.

Once you see this great land that you might never want to leave again. Fortunately, there's room for as many people as there are stars in the sky, and land values are currently very affordable.

This offer might sound like a major expense. However you'll be pleasantly surprised to find out that it just requires a small sacrifice. It's an offer you won't want to pass over.

So hit the rocks and get your place now; if you're too late, you'll be left behind like a Jew-in-Nile delinquent.

Doug Brook is a writer in Silicon Valley who was not tripping while he wrote this. For more information, past columns, other writings, and more, visit http://brookwrite.com/.