Brookwrite

Year in review

It's the time of year for year-in-review columns. This is strange, since Rosh Hashanah was only a couple months ago. However, in the past couple of months a year's worth of notable events have happened, so here is the year in review for 5780.

On the eve of Rosh Hashanah, the Anti-Defamation League reported that the "OK" hand gesture has been adopted as a hate symbol. In an era where the dictionary defines "bad" as "good" and "down" as "up for it," the ADL reminded that it's not just the current administration ensuring that nobody knows what anything really means anymore.

On October 10th, the day after Yom Kippur, the Big G realized that the Book of Life was sealed so well the day before that it couldn't be opened for reference throughout the year. Speaking on condition of anonymity, the Almighty declared, "So, this year we'll be winging it."

On October 22nd, Jews around the world concluded the yearly reading of the Torah and started it over again. It's reread every year so people can find new things in it each time. Most Jews are set up to achieve that goal -- of finding new things in the Torah readings this year -- by not doing it in previous years.

On October 26th, the Torah reading heard ‘round the world reported that the world was, in fact, created. This came as a surprise to only some of the people in attendance, who were reassured by the Torah also recording that people were created. Efficiency experts insisted that, with a little planning and forethought, the Creation process could have taken only four days -- a position supported by advocates for a four-day work week.

On October 27th, the nation remembered how, one year prior, a shooter invading the Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh harshly reminded the world that it's easier to destroy than to create.

On October 31st, in the spirit of Israel being a land flowing with milk and honey, Washington D.C. became a land flowing in peaches and mint.

On November 5th, Israel approved plans to add cable cars in Jerusalem. Still in negotiation is how to get kosher certification for Rice-a-Roni, the other San Francisco treat.

On November 7th, Marilyn Monroe's menorah was auctioned for over $112,000. On November 8th, Google reported a spike in searches for "Marilyn Monroe Jewish" resulting in information about her marriage to playwright Arthur Miller and related conversion.

On November 18th, the United States changed yet another decades-long policy by declaring that it no longer recognized Israeli settlements in the West Bank as being illegal. Critics pointed out that the administration has a questionable track record in recognizing what illegal actually means.

Nevertheless, this was the latest attempt to satisfy both sides at once as part of the administration's highly self-touted secret plan for Middle East peace, which is so secret that as of this writing nobody in the administration has any idea what it is.

On November 20th, a third Israeli election within twelve months became likely when a majority coalition in the Knesset once again couldn't be formed. After nearly two thousand years, the Talmudic precept that for every two rabbis there are three opinions has spread to politicians.

Pundits are hopeful that the third Israeli election will finally follow the recent example of their American allies in demonstrating how a major national election can bring consensus and harmony throughout the land. Others point out that comedy works in threes.

On November 21st, Benjamin Netanyahu was brought up on multiple charges of corruption. Bibi, the longest serving prime minister in Israeli history, was expected to put up a years-long battle to avoid becoming the longest serving prime minister in Israeli prison.

Netanyahu's popularity is represented in his name, literally "giver of Yahoo," in recognition of being the Israeli Al Gore by bringing the internet to the Promised Land. Supporters quickly crafted a new slogan to contest his alleged dirty dealing: "nobody puts Bibi in a corner."

Doug Brook's year in review is not as early as those who started playing Christmas music on November 1st... for Christmas 2020. To read past columns, visit http://brookwrite.com/. For exclusive online content, like facebook.com/rearpewmirror.